Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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