He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
