I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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