It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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