i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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