Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she smelled like a LAN party
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
