i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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