What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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