i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
