dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
