I need help removing her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
