So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
