I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!