I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser