If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
