When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD