I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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