If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
