During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
