is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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