Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
