I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
