She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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