The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
