I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
