belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
