At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
