I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
