How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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