My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
