You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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