sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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