I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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