I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
