As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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