I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
