I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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