9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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