I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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