Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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