Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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