alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
