Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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