And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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