Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
