Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
