I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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