Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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