Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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