belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
