I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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