Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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