Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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