She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
