I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
