hell yes lets make some ravioli
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
