I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
