i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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