I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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