Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
