best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
