i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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