Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
