My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
